Your Capital Letters are Hard to Ignore

I’ve been thinking a lot about how much the world loves you. Now more than ever it seems that people are falling over themselves aching to get a spot beside you, or across from you or even a few feet away from you. Remember the INCO days? All that hate and anxiety between you and your co-workers? How funny and weird does that all seem now?

You know when you see Vella at the park and she’s hitting it off with other kids and you’re happy because she’s so great and others are seeing that greatness? She gets that excited smile and starts getting all hyper excited. Well I feel that same joy when I see that people want a piece of you, because I know how great you are, and when others see that I want to lift up my eyebrows, nod my head up and down and give them an exaggerated shoulder nudge. And I can’t help but feel especially blessed because while they want a piece, I get the whole pie. I get daily conversations with you, and late night pillow talk. I get to hear about your dreams and fears and anxieties, about the things that aggravate you and the things you love. We create children together and raise them, and one day we will grow old and enjoy each other in yet another capacity.

This working away from home thing has really changed the dynamics of our marriage. At first the stress of change and learning to care for a household all by myself left me slightly annoyed. I would listen to you on the phone talking about your hardships and would roll my eyes, and you would come home and mess with our schedule and it would drive me nuts. Looking for a car was probably the biggest catalyst of it all, and even though you didn’t do it on purpose it became a big bone of contention. But you allowed me to discuss these things with you, and instead of being defensive you listened, and you acted, and we fixed it. I like that we are able to let these times of tribulation come and go and that at the heart of it all is a muscle that is worked and strengthened. Your patience and understanding is such an amazing gift and I really do feel that it is the backbone of us communicating as well as we do.

So what exactly am I getting at here? I miss you. Being slightly annoyed with things distracted me enough that I didn’t think about the bigger picture. But the dynamics of our relationship have evolved again and left me with an ache in my heart that can only be filled by your presence. October is such an amazing month; it is a time for quality and family, for spicy smells and hot coffee, warm bodied kids in cold sheets, late night talks with full glasses of wine. October was the month we finally decided to get together, all those years ago. We talked on the phone for hours at a time until the fateful day that you met me at the bus station. You picked me up in your fancy car and took me to buy nearly 10 bottles of wine. We stayed up all night talking, laying on opposite sides of the couch. You took me to meet your crazy cousin and to buy some music. I took you to my mom who welcomed you with open arms. There was nervousness and electricity, turkey and the beginning of something great. We kissed for the first time, innocently, sharing the lip gloss we had just coated on our lips.

Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend and it is easy for me to look around and feel overwhelmed at the mere mention of the word “thanks”. There’s no doubt that physically we are further from one another than we’ve been in a long time, but emotionally we are closer than ever. In the greater scheme of our relationship this Metachewan gig is but a blink of the eye, but the tools it has given us will last us the rest of our lives. That ache that I feel in my heart is you, and through that ache I feel you in a very real way and while it might hurt some nights it reminds me of all that you are and just how thankful I am and it brings me back to the place I need to be. And in the end there is even some comfort in that.

I love you, so so very much.

xo Lauri

Favorite Things

Sister Love



Baby sock feet



Waking up smiles



Need I say more?



Comfy new shoes



The joy of new things seen on the face of my girl



Helper Girl!



Anything my mom makes



Iced coffee



Having a mini real life version of me



My husband



We miss you Daddad.

hugs, kisses and a whole lotta love,

Lauri

I am Mum Mum

Who should I thank? Vella for letting me sleep in? Audrey for being so sweet? My mom for keeping me company and cooking me a tasty supper? All of the above I think. Today I got to feel like I was mom of the year and it was pretty incredible.

I so love it when I am in synch with the girls. Those magical days when our timming is on and the right things are said, and I can get to Audrey when she cries and Vella listens without tantrum. I was in Costco (buying Nate his fancy pillow, your welcome!) and Audrey opened her eyes while I was in line and I gave her a big smile and said Hello and she smiled back all sweet and excited. When I give Audrey this type of attention and focus I like to seek out Vella so that she never feels left out, so I got down on my knees and said "Are you having a nice time?" and she said yes and gave me a hug and I grabbed her and spun her around in my arms. And she was delighted. This was my day, all day, and it was wonderful.

I had special moments with my second born:

Vella had sunny naps in the car:


To my mom's dismay we watched Brother Bear:


But Lola's loss was Vella's gain (and this smile made it worthwhile for both parties)


I am so thankful for this wonderful day and that it has given me the confidence I need to face another extremely busy week. I am so ready to start this next week and quickly get it over with so that I can finaly be enjoying my time with you. We've been telling Vella about camp and how you're going to be there and she is so excited about it.

We miss you Nate and we can't wait to see you!

Love love,

Lauri

Twas a Good Day

Dearest Nate,

Today was a good day.

We colored pictures.

We stopped crying because we saw our mum mum and that made us happy.

We licked our plates clean because the pizza was so tasty.

We wore silly headbands to keep babies happy.

We gave lots and lots of cuddles.

We cradled tinny toes that fit easily into the palm of a hand.

We steadied a little girl with nothing more than a finger.

We played nicely (and not so nicely) with our cousin.

We laughed at silly faces.

We left messages for loved ones who were missing (courtesy of Buck)

And we missed you.

I love you,

xo Lauri

Burnout

Look what I did! All nice and organized, just like you like it:



Audrey is beside me in her car seat, all fresh and clean from a bath, and does not like it when I leave the room. So for the time being I am tethered to my computer, directly beside her. I am her rock and her source of comfort and my mere presence makes her feel safe. She is drifting in and out of sleep and each time she wakes she locks her eyes with mine, no expression on her face, yet I instinctually know that this is calming her. How wonderful and amazing it is to be a mom.

Vella is downstairs watching TV. I didn't plan on letting her watch TV today but deadlines and TO DO lists have won and survival is in full effect - at the very least I can be pleased enough that she asked properly.

Today has been crazy and I already feel like it's only just begining. Works been more demanding this week and has thus taken presedence over things like activities and house work. Andrea is coming over tomorrow so I feel that much more pressured to have the house in order.

Thankfully my mom is making us dinner tonight. The quality time we get to spend with my mom has definitely been a nice side effect to you leaving town for work. Its funny because I have infinitely less help with you gone but having my mom here makes it feel like I have the village I need to raise the kids. We've been driving around town completing little errands and giving into our ice coffee cravings and it feels like old times. It takes a certain amount of humour to take everything in stride and it's created a light heartedness between us that we haven't really experienced since I was in university.

Tomorrow will easily be the busiest of all days this week since I have a midwife appointment at 10, a deadline to finish my local ethics bundle and a visit planned with your sister. But it's also Friday and I know that a break is just around the corner so I will keep my eye on the prize and plow through it. But don't be feeling sorry for me because this busyness makes the time fly and I can't imagine pacing around counting down the minutes until you return. In a lot of ways it's a blessing in disguise and I am quite content to keep on keeping on.

Please don't be worrying about your little family. We are all happy and safe. Vella seems to have this really mature understanding of the situation and while she obviously misses you to bits she seems to understand that you're away for work and that you will be home again soon - she is such a fascinating 2 year old.

You came and you went, and it was wonderful

Dear Nate,

It's getting late. The kids are both asleep, the house is quiet, Munich is calm and there is a breeze coming through the window. The dishes are done, the laundry is folded and there's nothing left to do but relax and marvel at all that was accomplished today. There's not a whole lot to update you on, my mom and I got some iced coffees and took the girls to the water park. Vella played hard with a bunch of kids for a good solid 2 hours. We brought them home, cooked the steak in the fridge and had a nice dinner. Vella requested the "Foots Book" since according to her you had read this to her and, as such, will likely be a new favorite. She did her usual shenanigans but went down easy enough. Audrey was suprisingly easy going, and after nursing and sitting on my knee for a good 30 minutes went willingly in her swing where she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Although I'm already missing you like crazy, I'm happy that we got to spend some quality time together as a family.

I love you.

Lauri

I miss my husband

Dear Nate,

Thank you for getting up early all those times to take Vella to school and letting me sleep in. Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night to burp Audrey and change her bum bum. Thank you for making sure that I eat a proper lunch and supper (and breakfast, and snacks). Thank you for offering to take the kids so that I can get my work done. Thank you for hearing me complain endlessly about the trials and tribulations of pregnancy, and raising a toddler, and how painful breastfeeding is, and how stinky Munich is, and how tired I am. Thank you for taking out the garbage, walking the dog, putting gas in the car, watering the garden and picking up dog poop. Thank you for distracting Kev with your stunning good looks, so that I can exit into the house and be saved the 30 minutes worth of small talk.

Because I know how hard it all is now, and though I've always appreciated everything, I have a new perspective that allows me to appreciate it all a lot more.

I miss your face, I miss your lightheartedness. I miss your jokes, your quickness and your perspective. I miss the way you play with Vella, the way you make her squeal and laugh and scream way too loud. I miss getting into the car and noticing the dial is set to talk radio, and the seat is really far back, and the mirrors are all wrong. I miss having someone to help me divide and conquer, especially at night time when Vella needs a bath and a story.

But I'm happy you're gone because you're doing wonderful work. Work that fulfills you, work that's important. And you're doing it for us and for our future. And while I'm sad that I don't get to wake up beside you or hear you rub your feet on the sheets at night (ok I don't really miss that one!) I know it's all worth it, and I know that it's temporary.

Now this is a bit of an experiment, and it might be really ambitious, but I thought that I would start a blog describing my day with the kids. That way you can read about our days (and hopefully see pictures) and at least feel that much more connected to us.

I love you Nate, and I can't wait to see you, hopefully sooner rather than later.

xo

Lauri