Dear Vella,
Today was your first day of school. You were very excited to be going to school today and we went to the end of the driveway early to wait for you bus. You were disappointed that we had to wait for awhile for the bus and I think it was a good thing since your excitement peeked once the bus finally arrived. While we were waiting you were asking me and Audrey if we would miss you, oh darling, I kept it deep inside just how much I would miss you, because I didn’t want you to worry. Your backpack was so big, and that first step on the bus so high, you’re still so little and still my baby and it was strange for me to see you climb in and have a seat. I smiled as big as I could and waved to you on the bus, and when you looked out the window I could see it settle in, the bits of sadness to be leaving your mom behind and that scared feeling in the pit of your stomach. The more worried you looked the bigger I smiled and the harder I waved. I’m counting down the minutes until you come back to me and I can’t wait to hear all about your day.
I remember the first day that I went to school so vividly. I was wearing these light pink leather shoes that had a tassel on the toe and a strap that went across the top of my foot. I was waiting at the end of my driveway and looking at my feet and I thought to myself “I need to remember this, this is an important day”. My dear girl I hope that you remember your first day of school and just how brave and smart you are.
I have mixed emotions about this day, I know that you are ready for school, and I know that you are excited so part of me is happy, but letting you go out into the world all on your own leaves me anxious and a little sad. From this day forward you will be living part of your life on your own, away from me. I know that sometimes things get boring at home, and sometimes you watch too much tv, and sometimes I’m tired and not much fun, but no one loves you more than me and in the end I know as long as I’m there you’re safe and you’re loved and that has brought me such comfort. But this is part of our journey, and it’s important for us to learn how to interact with people who do not love us unconditionally and to be able to cope with things without the security of our parents. I know that each day you will learn a little more about the world, and about your strength and I know that this will only serve to help you out in the long run so I am thankful for this opportunity, this opportunity for you to grow into the individual you are destined to be.
Baby girl I am going to be there for you. Every morning I will smile and wave away those butterflies that threaten to gather in the pit of your stomach. I’m going to leave little notes in your lunchbox to remind you that you are loved and that I am here waiting for you each day. I am going to bake you special treats to come home to so you have something yummy to eat while you tell me about your day. I’m going to dress you up in your favorite outfits and do your hair the way that you want. I’m going to be at every parent teacher meeting, every play, every little thing that brings me a little closer to this world that is only your own. I’m going to be there, standing tall with open arms greeting you from that bus at the end of each day. You’re going to learn to be out there on your own and you’re going to stand a little taller because you’ll know that even though I’m not standing beside you I am always there.
You make me so proud my love, you are amazing.
xoxo(xoxoxoxoxo)
Your Mummum
Friday, September 7, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
A Sunday Like Any Other
Dear Nate,
Last night when we said our goodbyes you told me one last time happy mother’s day, and that I am a wonderful mother, and that I deserved more than a day, and I replied that I always get more than a day, because you take such good care of me.
I just wanted to put it here in writing that I really do believe this. You are such a wonderful husband and caring father, and nearly every weekend you work extra hard to take care of the kids, change all the diapers you can, and let me sleep in. It’s funny to me because aside from the lovely heartfelt gifts this Sunday really wasn’t all that different than any other and it fills me with such gratitude because regardless of the day you always take special care to give us your all and make sure that we all get what we need.
There are so many times that I find myself thinking about you and feeling an overwhelming amount of appreciation that you are my partner in this life. We spoke briefly about those times we hung out all those years ago, times when there was little more than a spark and a possibility between us. I remember you so distinctly, there in your apartment, the way you connected with those around you, your gentleness, your humor, a picture of you and your college friends on your fridge, your sandals by the door. All these little bits that I took in, I remember each and everyone. I remember the rush of excitement I felt in the pit of my stomach when I was around you, I remember everyone finding their place to rest on the couch, and me getting up to go see you. I remember staying up talking to you, I remember the rhythm of your breathing changing as you fell asleep and the birds outside beginning to sing as night faded and the morning appeared. I remember our last conversation after this fateful meeting, you sitting on your desk telling me about your move back home, me wishing you weren’t leaving but not being able to say it, you telling me between the lines that you had no ties there in Ottawa to keep you there. I remember waking up in the morning and feeling the loss of something that never was.
I love the story you told me about when we first started dating. You had told someone at work that you met a girl and he was all taken aback and telling you that it was too early to be attached to someone. Pleading his case he said “remember that girl in Ottawa that you were so head over heels about?” and you replied “that’s the girl I’m with”.
It amazes me every day that the universe found a way to keep us together, and that we are here in this place. I love being able to indulge in you completely and that there is nothing there to hold us back. I love that we are husband and wife and we have these kids that are equal parts you and me. The more we grow together and intertwine the more complete I feel. When I fell in love with you all those years ago I knew so little about who you were, I had no idea about the unending patience and care you possessed.
There’s really no words to express the thanks I feel for all that you are but I’m going to go ahead and say it anyway. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel so special, thank you for taking such great care to make this mother’s day special. Thank you for putting extra effort into everyday we spend together. Thank you for finding your way back to me.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Lauri
Last night when we said our goodbyes you told me one last time happy mother’s day, and that I am a wonderful mother, and that I deserved more than a day, and I replied that I always get more than a day, because you take such good care of me.
I just wanted to put it here in writing that I really do believe this. You are such a wonderful husband and caring father, and nearly every weekend you work extra hard to take care of the kids, change all the diapers you can, and let me sleep in. It’s funny to me because aside from the lovely heartfelt gifts this Sunday really wasn’t all that different than any other and it fills me with such gratitude because regardless of the day you always take special care to give us your all and make sure that we all get what we need.
There are so many times that I find myself thinking about you and feeling an overwhelming amount of appreciation that you are my partner in this life. We spoke briefly about those times we hung out all those years ago, times when there was little more than a spark and a possibility between us. I remember you so distinctly, there in your apartment, the way you connected with those around you, your gentleness, your humor, a picture of you and your college friends on your fridge, your sandals by the door. All these little bits that I took in, I remember each and everyone. I remember the rush of excitement I felt in the pit of my stomach when I was around you, I remember everyone finding their place to rest on the couch, and me getting up to go see you. I remember staying up talking to you, I remember the rhythm of your breathing changing as you fell asleep and the birds outside beginning to sing as night faded and the morning appeared. I remember our last conversation after this fateful meeting, you sitting on your desk telling me about your move back home, me wishing you weren’t leaving but not being able to say it, you telling me between the lines that you had no ties there in Ottawa to keep you there. I remember waking up in the morning and feeling the loss of something that never was.
I love the story you told me about when we first started dating. You had told someone at work that you met a girl and he was all taken aback and telling you that it was too early to be attached to someone. Pleading his case he said “remember that girl in Ottawa that you were so head over heels about?” and you replied “that’s the girl I’m with”.
It amazes me every day that the universe found a way to keep us together, and that we are here in this place. I love being able to indulge in you completely and that there is nothing there to hold us back. I love that we are husband and wife and we have these kids that are equal parts you and me. The more we grow together and intertwine the more complete I feel. When I fell in love with you all those years ago I knew so little about who you were, I had no idea about the unending patience and care you possessed.
There’s really no words to express the thanks I feel for all that you are but I’m going to go ahead and say it anyway. Thank you. Thank you for making me feel so special, thank you for taking such great care to make this mother’s day special. Thank you for putting extra effort into everyday we spend together. Thank you for finding your way back to me.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Lauri
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