Burnout

Look what I did! All nice and organized, just like you like it:



Audrey is beside me in her car seat, all fresh and clean from a bath, and does not like it when I leave the room. So for the time being I am tethered to my computer, directly beside her. I am her rock and her source of comfort and my mere presence makes her feel safe. She is drifting in and out of sleep and each time she wakes she locks her eyes with mine, no expression on her face, yet I instinctually know that this is calming her. How wonderful and amazing it is to be a mom.

Vella is downstairs watching TV. I didn't plan on letting her watch TV today but deadlines and TO DO lists have won and survival is in full effect - at the very least I can be pleased enough that she asked properly.

Today has been crazy and I already feel like it's only just begining. Works been more demanding this week and has thus taken presedence over things like activities and house work. Andrea is coming over tomorrow so I feel that much more pressured to have the house in order.

Thankfully my mom is making us dinner tonight. The quality time we get to spend with my mom has definitely been a nice side effect to you leaving town for work. Its funny because I have infinitely less help with you gone but having my mom here makes it feel like I have the village I need to raise the kids. We've been driving around town completing little errands and giving into our ice coffee cravings and it feels like old times. It takes a certain amount of humour to take everything in stride and it's created a light heartedness between us that we haven't really experienced since I was in university.

Tomorrow will easily be the busiest of all days this week since I have a midwife appointment at 10, a deadline to finish my local ethics bundle and a visit planned with your sister. But it's also Friday and I know that a break is just around the corner so I will keep my eye on the prize and plow through it. But don't be feeling sorry for me because this busyness makes the time fly and I can't imagine pacing around counting down the minutes until you return. In a lot of ways it's a blessing in disguise and I am quite content to keep on keeping on.

Please don't be worrying about your little family. We are all happy and safe. Vella seems to have this really mature understanding of the situation and while she obviously misses you to bits she seems to understand that you're away for work and that you will be home again soon - she is such a fascinating 2 year old.

You came and you went, and it was wonderful

Dear Nate,

It's getting late. The kids are both asleep, the house is quiet, Munich is calm and there is a breeze coming through the window. The dishes are done, the laundry is folded and there's nothing left to do but relax and marvel at all that was accomplished today. There's not a whole lot to update you on, my mom and I got some iced coffees and took the girls to the water park. Vella played hard with a bunch of kids for a good solid 2 hours. We brought them home, cooked the steak in the fridge and had a nice dinner. Vella requested the "Foots Book" since according to her you had read this to her and, as such, will likely be a new favorite. She did her usual shenanigans but went down easy enough. Audrey was suprisingly easy going, and after nursing and sitting on my knee for a good 30 minutes went willingly in her swing where she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Although I'm already missing you like crazy, I'm happy that we got to spend some quality time together as a family.

I love you.

Lauri

I miss my husband

Dear Nate,

Thank you for getting up early all those times to take Vella to school and letting me sleep in. Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night to burp Audrey and change her bum bum. Thank you for making sure that I eat a proper lunch and supper (and breakfast, and snacks). Thank you for offering to take the kids so that I can get my work done. Thank you for hearing me complain endlessly about the trials and tribulations of pregnancy, and raising a toddler, and how painful breastfeeding is, and how stinky Munich is, and how tired I am. Thank you for taking out the garbage, walking the dog, putting gas in the car, watering the garden and picking up dog poop. Thank you for distracting Kev with your stunning good looks, so that I can exit into the house and be saved the 30 minutes worth of small talk.

Because I know how hard it all is now, and though I've always appreciated everything, I have a new perspective that allows me to appreciate it all a lot more.

I miss your face, I miss your lightheartedness. I miss your jokes, your quickness and your perspective. I miss the way you play with Vella, the way you make her squeal and laugh and scream way too loud. I miss getting into the car and noticing the dial is set to talk radio, and the seat is really far back, and the mirrors are all wrong. I miss having someone to help me divide and conquer, especially at night time when Vella needs a bath and a story.

But I'm happy you're gone because you're doing wonderful work. Work that fulfills you, work that's important. And you're doing it for us and for our future. And while I'm sad that I don't get to wake up beside you or hear you rub your feet on the sheets at night (ok I don't really miss that one!) I know it's all worth it, and I know that it's temporary.

Now this is a bit of an experiment, and it might be really ambitious, but I thought that I would start a blog describing my day with the kids. That way you can read about our days (and hopefully see pictures) and at least feel that much more connected to us.

I love you Nate, and I can't wait to see you, hopefully sooner rather than later.

xo

Lauri